Why I wear a Packer's hoodie, and what it says about me, you, and the guy next door
I hate sports, but whenever I go outside, I wear a Green Bay Packers hoodie.
It's made for some odd moments when people tell me how we did last night.
At first, I would act confused because I had no idea what they were talking about.
Finally, I caught on. They wanted to talk about the game I never watched.
One day, after I'd finished pumping gas at the Kwikie Mart, and begun that long walk from the pumps to the store a guy in a Jeep pulled out. Then he backed up right in front of me and positioned his Jeep between me and the door. He pointed to my shirt and screamed like a madman. "We're going to whip their ass today."
I just nodded and hoped he wouldn't kidnap me, and make me watch the game with him. Anything but that, please.
Inside the store, people were just as crazy. The cashier smiled at me, and said: "We're going to go all the way this year."
For a moment, I thought I was gonna have sex, so I smiled back at her.
Then, I realized it was the hoodie. The cashier was talking about the Packers, not me.
Life is full of little disappointments like that.
Now, I take a different approach. When anybody talks to me about "our team," or how we're going to "stomp the other team's ass" - I tell them I just wear the shirt, the hoodie, whatever.
If I'm feeling particularly talkative, I'll tell them the sad pathetic truth. I do it to piss off my old man.
He's a big Bears and Cubs fan.
It gets his dander up when I wear shit that roots for the other team. Pretty sad, that I get my jollies picking on an 89-year-old guy, right?
But, the real truth is something even more pathetic.
I've got an American Eskimo dog. He sheds like a son of a bitch. Everywhere I go, I'm covered in fur.
Bear's hoodies are dark blue. Cub's wear is usually light blue. The Packers and the White Sox come in gray, so the fur doesn't stick out so blatantly.
I know, it's a sad life.
All I can say is it's tough being me. If you have any doubts, try wearing a Packer's hoodie all the time.